yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
