now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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