Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
