I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My balls are so social today.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
