All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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