dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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