Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
