He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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