You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
