I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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