We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
