doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am one with the molecules
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
