No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
