So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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