so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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