but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
