It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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