They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
