dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
