So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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