Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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