You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
