i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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