He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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