What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
