We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When are your genitals available?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
