the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
