no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
