I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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