I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
