DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
