It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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