Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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