I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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