so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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