Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
