I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
