im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need moral support for this bender
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
