She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
