I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
