alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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