yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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