remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
