I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
