So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are a genius and a whore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
