Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
