I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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