oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
