Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
