Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's Friday. Sex?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
