he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
