I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
