Me. At least after what I've been through.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
