I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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