roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry about my life...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
