It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my shit smells like andre
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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