shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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