She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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