dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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