things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I want a musical about memes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
