Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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