woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
