I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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